Big Troubles, Little China

I hope you don't have any plans for say 4 billion years from now. From what I read in the USA Today our galaxy will collide with another one and all hell will break loose. The black holes will begin the sucking process and I may be losing some of my favorite candles and maybe even my light brite toy...since u know that whole sucking of the light thing. If only there was someway to make the black hole switch from suck to blow ala SpaceBalls...then things might pop out like old Joe Cocker records, Jerry Lewis bobbleheads, and maybe even some of the new coke which came out in the mid 80s and was around only a year. I can only hope for such jems as those.

Well anyway, I'm fairly depressed about the fate of our galaxy. I might make it my next project to find someway to save mankind. I might have to put my current projects of my transport machine and my heated coats on the shelf to work on this since it may be more important in the long run. I just have to alter the path of one of the two galaxies and we are golden.

This is how Hawkeyes celebrate

No sooner did the Hawkeyes toss away their Big 10 title with a pitiful loss at abysmal Minnesota after they had experience euphoria in beating the powerhouse Michigan State Spartans. Maybe you shouldn't have celebrated that much Haluska and should have looked at the next scouting report.

Libraries are fun

An 18-year-old male ASU student was arrested Sunday night at Hayden Library and charged with indecent exposure and public sexual indecency. The suspect allegedly pulled his pants and underwear to his mid-thighs to masturbate while watching pornography on his laptop. When asked why he had gone to the library to view pornography and masturbate, the suspect allegedly told police, "To be honest, the Internet connection at my dorm isn't good enough."

Road Trip

Yesterday I got to renew my Jayhawk passion by attending their annual tussle against the Cornhuskers in Lincoln, Nebraska. The Jayhawks did not disappoint as they took care of business and walked out of the Bob Devaney Sports Center with a 21 point victory.

First off, Lincoln really is a dump. Aside from the downtown area, most of the city is dirt covered as it looks as if they are reconstructing the whole place. We took no less than four detours trying to the get to the arena. We were also slowed by a series of trains that crossed town that were longer than Peter Jackson movie. This cost me precious time as I was not able to see my guys warm up before the game as long as I would have hoped.

When I finally got into the arena my brother and I jetted down to court level to watch warmups, but we were greeted by a run away shriner on a power trip. He was not not letting us get through for anybody. What is with the ushers at these sporting events? Do you have to be retired, have tubes coming out of your nose, and have a colostomy bag at your hip in order to get hired by the powers that be? They also love that they yield the power to let you get close. Even in the past when the lower section was as bare as a little kids ass in Neverland, they won't let you get a sniff of the lower level. After several minutes of coersion, he finally let us down to get an autograph and get pictures. He must have been watching us with an eagle eye because after less than 5 minutes he came down to us and berated us. "You have not taken one picture, now get out of here and go to your seats!" Mind you this was still 45 minutes until the game started and there were only a few dozen sitting in their seats in the lower level. It's not like we could have even tried to stay down there and sit in someone else's seat. The game was totally sold out anyway. So Grandpa Munster didn't need to blow a gasket over a couple kids watching basketball players warm up.

The game was going pretty good from the get-go. KU jumped out to a lead in the first few minutes and I was slapping high fives to all the Jayhawk fans around me. They kept a pretty comfortable lead so I was pleased with the first half despite some sloppy play.

The halftime show was the highlight of the night though as I was treated with one of the most amazing displays of magic I have ever seen. I had seen Quick Change once before at an Iowa State game and I was blown away before. I had no idea they would be at this game but I was pleasantly surprised. Quick Change is a duo who can change their clothes in a matter of a half second. I have no idea how they do it, nor do I want to know. I just want to know that they can amaze me anytime I think back to this momentus occasion. The woman changes her hair once and has on no less than 5 different dresses. If you ever have the chance to see them, I emplore you to go.

The game ended without a hitch as my team pulled away late to take a 21 point victory. It was a workmanlike effort, but I will take any W on the road in the Big 12. Also, there is nothing quite like being able to do the Rock Chalk Chant in someone elses gym. The smattering of Jayhawk fans joined me as the Nebraska faithful left their seats with a few minutes remaining as they headed for the exits.

Now I'm ready for my next KU basketball road trip.

Wings baby

I read today that the tv show Wings will be coming to DVD in little more than three months. I have been waiting for this day since the first tv show made its way onto DVD, but there was little word of a release date until this very moment.

Wings was my favorite show by far when I was growing up. I was into it long before I caught on to Seinfeld. Just something about those Hackett brothers that tickled my funny bone. For a while USA Network used to play it 4 times a day....5-6 pm and 10-11 pm. I made it a habit to watch each of those showing pretty much everyday. I probably have seen every episode 10 times or more. Yet I am still starved for that zany cast of Nantuckians to enter their way back into my life.

Thank You Paramount, you have thrusted meaning back into my life.

Soundtrack King

If I had to pick the best soundtrack montage song writer of all time I think I would have to tip my cap to one Mr. Kenny Loggins. No one can accompany an 80's movie with a more poppy, upbeat song that just makes me wanna go out and play shirtless volleyball, dance in a haystacks filled barn, or chase a gopher around a golf course. When I popped in Caddyshack I was abruptly welcomed to the movie by the sweet song soundings of that bearded wonder.

Please come back Mr. Loggins, the next generation of movie-goers are waiting to be wooshed away to another world guided by your angelic voice. Although I have to wonder your intentions after hearing lyrics like this:

Playing, playing with the boys

Playing, playing with the boys

After chasing sunsets

One of life's simple joys

Is playing with the boys

I thought America's favorite neighbor was Canada

Tonight after being at the hospital for a few hours to see my new baby neice, the fam decided to go out to Applebees for some neighboorhood eatin good. If you ask me this place has turned into a dump. They have totally fucked up their menu royally. All my favorites have been taken away from me. Granted I have not been there in a long while, and if tonight was any indication it will be another coons age before I go back. How in the name of Zeus' butthole could they take away the blackened chicken fettucini? I must have combed that menu a good baker's dozen times but no fettucini to ease my hunger. I had to settle for a panini that tasted like it's been thrown in the air and landed in Horatio Sanz' underpants. I've seen Todd Morgan make better paninis that had been sitting under the heat lamp for a few hours. This actually wasn't the worst panini I've ever had though. That title belongs to the new frozen panini put out by Lean Cuisine. I tried one of these on my break at work and I about spewed in my lap. I tried to make this thing in the pizza oven and it cooked about as evenly as a farmer's tan. The inside was still cold and the chicken was nasty to boot. Long story short...stay away from paninis and Applebees especially those two things combined.