Meet Herb the Janitor

The other day I was assigned to watch the front desk at my office building for an hour or so. It was actually a nice change of pace during the middle of the day. I was really getting into the part; confronting visitors, signing for packages, even controlling the almighty door buzzer.

Suddenly up walks the janitor draped in his blue custodial jumpsuit waiting to drop off his keys and check out for the day. Now I had no idea of my responsibilities at this point. Was I supposed to give him the okay? Give him a high five for a job well done on placing the urinal cakes in the exact center of the stall creating a target for all the full bladders to practice on? He just stood there looking at me. This man is usually quieter than an ionic breeze fan. You could tell he does not get much human interaction on a day to day basis. But he just kept staring at me like I was one of those 3D art photographs where the hidden image appears only after intense concentration.

Eventually I started making small talk with him just to break the awkward silence. Fast forward five minutes: I apparently have a new best friend. Ok rewind back to the five minutes prior. Talking to this lonely janitor was like opening up Pandora’s Box. It only took one random act of kindness to get him to catapult out of his shell and share his life history to me. I guess not too many people take the time to do a little stop-and-chat with those in the sanitary arts. He instantaneously turned into a fifteen year old girl lying on her bed with her feet in the air talking to her best friend on the phone. No secret was spared. I heard the wretched details of how his wife cheated on him and now he is on his own in a shitty studio apartment on south side of town. He's not going to be doing this forever though. Once he invents his new cleaning solution things will be different. He was impossible to shut up. From his myriad of jobs to the bunions on his left foot, I knew it all. If only I could have gone back in time, given him a polite nod, and sent him on his way.

So I have a new pal, but that is not so bad. All I have to do is shoot the shit with him every once in a while and it makes his day. Plus, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for janitors. Just ask our good ole buddy Doug Page of Hy-Vee fame.

I guess the moral of this story is be careful who you befriend. Once a shy loner realizes that someone is actually interested in talking to them, they have a new best friend. Thankfully Herb gave me the BFF bracelet to prove it. He now flaunts his with pride and joy.