Apartment Ablaze

My living room has recently become an inferno. After turning on the heat for the first time this year I apparently broke the nozzle and have subjected myself to daily saunas. It is turned all the way off, but the heat is still stuck on the hottest possible setting for some reason.

Last night I woke up in a hot sweat as the wave of heat wafted into my bedroom. I rolled over in bed and found a soiled sheet on my backside. I had my pull-ups on, so it couldn't have been pee. I had so much sweat coming off me I would have made Richard Simmons jealous.

It has gotten so bad in here that I have had to counteract the heat by opening the screen door as far as it will go. So now I have 95 degree heat blasting its way into my living room, while the wave of 37 degree cool winter air cascades in forcefully. Thankfully both forces have combined to make a livable environment for the time being. Unfortunately there has been a rash of mini tornados running amuck in my apartment. I failed to remember that when hot and cold air get together twisters arise. I just have to remember the eye of the tornado is my friend. Just to be safe I put all my knives and letter openers away.

I guess I am going to have to go report this to my landlord. I am usually stubborn and try to fix these things by myself, but this has gotten so bad that I will just have to cave in. I have dropped 3 pounds, but I'm not sure the trade off is worth it to be living in Equador. Hopefully I survive long enough to blog again. So long.