Armrest Etiquette

I would like to take a moment to address a growing epidemic in our country, bad armrest etiquette. When you are in a public place and sit next to a person in a seat with armrests, it is only common courtesy to allow sharing of this luxury item. It is not to be dominated by one person alone. We were all taught to share as young children, but apparently some people don't think this applies in real life situations.

On my recent vacation to California I was unfortunate enough to sit next to a man who has no concept of armrest etiquette. As I got to my seat while boarding the plane I, of course, was the lucky one to get the middle seat. I can't think of anything worse on a long three hour plane ride....well other than maybe crashing. But here I was stuck in a cramped space for the better part of three hours and I was about to meet a man so vile and inconsiderate that it would make Joseph Stalin blush.

The culprit sat down in his seat, made claim to our mutual armrest, and never relenquished it. It was as if his arm was frozen to that thing. Many times I would intentionally turn around and ever so subtely try to bump his arm, but there was no budging. His arm was as stoic as a British Royal Guard. Not only did he occupy the armrest for the entire duration of the flight, but he was wearing short sleeves and his 3 inch armhairs were spilling over to my already tight space. The seat in coach was probably 18 inches wide, and he decided he wanted to stake claim to 1/6 of my personal space. Sometimes I would look up from the book I was reading and just stare out the window for minutes at a time. I was merely hoping to catch a glimpse of eye contact with this jerk to convey my frustration with this situation. Unfortunately, I was too passive to flat out tell this hairy beast my thoughts, and I just had to bite the bullet on this one.

Too many people out there think that if they slap their arm down on an armrest, it is theirs forever. That is just not fair. I have even run into people who have not only taken the armrest, but upon returning from a break had the gall to ask me for it back when I had used it for the short period of time in their absense. I think it is up to both parties to decide how the armrest time is allocated. Like a wise man once said, "Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." For me personally I am fond of a rotation of 20 or 30 minutes. It gives each party time enough to enjoy the armrest, but at the same time isn't too long where your arm falls asleep. Of course if you are sitting with a loved one you can share by holding hands. That way you can both enjoy it simulataneously. But that is not for me to decide. I am only here to offer up my meager suggestions. Hopefully I can change opinions and eventually the world, even if its one armrest user at a time.

Tacos Tacos Tacos Tacos

Frequently after long night of drinking I need a little pick-me-up to recharge those batteries. Last weekend I was with Carzoli and we decided the best way to cap off a nice night at Maddy's was to have a fulfilling second dinner.

That night the choices were McDonald's and Taco Bell. Taco Bell sounded delicious as I usually can never turn down a good taco. In hindsight I guess we should have gone with McDonalds, not only for the delicious food, but for the elusive Monopoly pieces, of course. I know I'll never win, but it's just so darn fun to play.

As we were pulling up to the local Taco Bell establishment, something looked amiss. The place only had like two lights on, all the neon signs were unlit, and it looked like they were trying to keep away potential midnight snackers.

My suspicions were confirmed when we drove up to the drive-thru window. The cheery lady promptly greeted us with, "Good evening, welcome to Taco Bell. We are currently out of beef, chicken, lettuce, and our credit card machine is down." Ummm ok we thought. Carzoli and I just looked at each other in amazement. How does Taco Bell run out of beef? Isn't that one of the key ingredients to a taco? Maybe I'm crazy here, and have been missing out on the wonderment that is fish tacos. Carzoli leaned over and quipped back, "Is that everything?" The lady remarked back, "No, we still have steak." Oh OK....I guess we have no choice then. A couple steak tacos, with extra love.

Just a quick note, don't ever try the steak taco. As I bit into my reluctant choice, I was welcomed to tasteville with a squirt of some of the most rancid sour cream I have ever had the pleasure of tasting. Now normally I hate sour cream and recoil in its presence, but this stuff was much worse. They tried to spice it up with some gross lime flavoring. Not only was it horribly tasting, but there was so much in there, it was gushing out of its soft shell. I guess they were trying to compensate for the lack of lettuce. Even the sour cream loving Carzoli was appauled. Thankfully he took the remainder of the taco off my hands for a full refund. Thanks for that one buddy, I owe you a solid. Anytime you need to unload a tomato, I'm your guy.

On a more positive note, I heard it through the grapevine that if any player hits a home run to left field or left center in tonight's World Series baseball game, Taco Bell is offering one free taco to every person in America. Somebody pinch me! They might want to build a few extra toilets in anticipation for this event as well. You can never be too safe when it comes to Taco Bell ladies and gentlemen.