Movie Talkers

So I went to see The Da Vinci Code with my dad the other day. The first mistake was seeing the movie at the Copper Creek (theater) Day Care. This theater is notorious for having swarms of kids run in and out of different movies watching 10 minutes of each one. They talk on their cell phones, play games with their other teenage friends, and pretty much annoy the whole theater.

Also, people like to take their newborn babies to 11 oclock movies, like when I went to see Star Wars there, and there was a 6 month old baby crying his eyes out as I was trying to watch Obi Wan do his thing. As annoying as all that was, Copper Creek went down yet another notch in my book for having these fat fucktards sit directly behind us during the movie. The man was probably 300 lbs and was caughing up plegm every 3 minutes. I even had to check the back of my neck once as I thought I felt a mist in the air. His girlfriend/wife was even more annoying. This fucking broad decided to talk through the entire movie with her expert commentary. This lady must have had the mind of a 5 year old because all she could say was "OH MY GOD!", "OH NO!", "WATCH OUT" at every twist and turn. I was so close to going George Costanza on her and telling her to shut her yapper, but I knew this bitch was so dense, it would not have even fazed her. I really don't even think she knew she was doing it. She thought she was at home on her couch with her 300 lb teddy bear.

And it wasn't just that the comments never stopped, it was that they came when absolutely nothing interesting was happening! Tom Hanks gets out of his car...."Oh my God...", Tom stubbs his toe..."Oh my God..." It became so laughable after a while that I just said screw it, there is nothing I can do here. So my dad and I decided to add our own commentary on top of theirs. I spouted no less than 30 Oh my Gods during the last half hour of the movie. I don't even think this lady knew I was mocking her because she went right on with her reactions. I had really never experienced anything like that in a theater before and it really was more like a Saturday Night Live skit than something that was actually happening. I had to burst out laughing a few times at the absurdity of some of this stuff she was doing.

So finally the movie ended and I got up, turned around, and flashed the lady a nice toothy grin and went on my way.